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elution

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(no subject) [Jan. 3rd, 2010|11:01 pm]
elution
Tonight is the last night of winter break. It was beautiful. Potlucks, parties, bars, and quiet nights at home. I learned how to make fresh pasta from scratch. Ben and I went to San Francisco and did all our San Francisco things, and yesterday we went climbing in Joshua Tree and did not get lost or eaten by coyotes.

At home, I kept doubting myself and feeling like what I am doing is really very insignificant. I have this weird delusion that what I study is the most interesting, important thing in the world. And now on some level I am reminded that it is not.

But tonight, I am answering the emails I have been ignoring and getting ready to go back to work tomorrow, and realizing that even though part of me knows what I do is sort of silly and irrelevant, almost all of me still feels like it is THE MOST INTERESTING THING IN THE WORLD.

And I love it, and I can't wait to go to work tomorrow.
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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2009|11:24 pm]
elution
I love my life.
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(no subject) [Sep. 17th, 2008|10:16 pm]
elution
I have a couple ideas/projects brewing and I have never been more excited in my life!!!!!!
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(no subject) [Jun. 20th, 2008|07:38 am]
elution
Usually I use a good chunk of my second paycheck of the month for rent.

But I don't have rent anymore.

So....pay off some random student loan? Put it in savings? Continue buying every sexy dress and shoe and drink I want? Put it in the eb2 wedding fund? Open an IRA? This is the best problem I have ever had in my life, I think.

From yesterday's 1,064 line gchat with eb2:

eb2: So, I keep thinking about that offer to go down to Sacramento.
me: yeah?
eb2: Can we do that when I visit you in July?
me: ......you're visiting in July?
eb2: I'm hoping you'll want me to.

Who is this guy!


Work has been pretty damn great lately. For whatever reason, we have been having a large percentage of inclusions lately, which means the study moves forward at the same rate while we do way less work. Awesome. And they've been easy, good screens too! Yesterday we interviewed and made an offer to a new RA who is going to take over for Sasha, and Alex is going to take over my position. I secretly hope he sucks next to me!

Levinson loves to joke about how I hate depression and depressed people. During the interview yesterday he made some joke about how strange it is that I can hate depressed people so much yet be so good at my job. It totally totally totally made my day.
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(no subject) [Jun. 19th, 2008|07:51 am]
elution
Last night, Shalimar with Charlie (from college). Pen and her shitty friend from school joined us. Sixpack of Anchor Steam from the corner store: I had 3 (4?) and was

GONE

afterward.

Pen's friend was a nightmare. What a fucking bitch. At one point she asked what my major had been in college. I told her biopsychology. She said, "Biopsychology....what can you do with that major, anyway."

I said, "I'm a scientist at Stanford."

ha HA. And of course she sort of devolved from there.

All 3 of them ganged up on me for not eating. I tried, I honestly tried, and I did as much as I could. And Shal's palak paneer is possibly my favorite food in the world. Could not get more than a few bites down. Realized that this has been going on for a MONTH. That is a long fucking time to neither eat nor sleep properly. Seriously considering going to the doctor although I have no idea what s/he could possibly do for me.

Pen and shitty friend left without paying. I literally ran after them on the street and P gave me $10. Whatever. She's pissed that I blew off the show we were supposed to go to. Again, whatever.

I tried to convince C that no, I really could not go to Rye and have $10 cocktails.....but he convinced me that I could. We had amazing drinks and I begged compliments off him. He's lost a lot of weight lately and looks amazing.

Things with eb2 have naturally gotten completely out of hand. If we progress in this direction at this pace we will be picking out our future children's names by this afternoon. Or perhaps we already did that last night; once again I don't remember a damn thing we talked about. And I remember it was gooooooooooood too.

SBux guy flirted with me again this morning. Bless him.
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2008|05:17 pm]
elution
AND HE READ MY LIVEJOURNAL! HI BEN! FUCK YOU!
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2008|03:33 pm]
elution
HELLO DRAMARAMA

ben: so how'd you meet charlie
me: are you reading my email again?
ben: you left your gmail open, i wasn't snooping
me: fuck you
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2008|12:38 pm]
elution
Unremitting insomnia has, unsurprisingly, failed to remit. Last night went to sleep c. 1am (see a pattern?) and woke up at 5am. I accidentally reset my clock an hour fast so I thought it was 6am and dragged myself out of bed.

The truly ridiculous part is that I think I'm starting to adjust to this. Am not all that tired today (okay, 1 medium coffee and 1 cup of tea later) and was alert and clever enough to play an 81 point word versus eb2 in fb Scrabble.

So eb2 is even worse than I am about intellectual competition and has strict rules for Scrabble, one of which is that if you score a 40+ point word, you get to ask your opponent any question and s/he has to answer truthfully. So far, he has gotten two and used up one of his questions on the phone the other night ("why were you unwilling to do a long-distance relationship with Ben yet willing to engage in this whateverwe'redoing with me?" Clever, right?)

So, from today's deliciously flirty gchat:

eb2: I just figured out what I'm going to use my [other] question for.
me: ok go!
eb2: Nah
me: why not?
eb2: I'm going to wait until you fall in love with me but don't want to admit it.


...........REALLY????????????? Like, the poetry and late night phone calls and spontaneous $1000 trip--that's one thing. But LOVE? I don't know, man. iLove. Not my scene.

(....yet...?)
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(no subject) [Jun. 15th, 2008|06:14 am]
elution
FUCK I love my life so much.

Last night after all my reticence I joined up with Jon, Hanne, and Mike at El Rio--Lea, Ousi, and Floria showed up after a couple hands of Asshole. It was. So. Much. Fun. I can't even explain. I have been so reluctant to go out with any of them since Ben and I broke up because I think if there's any side-choosing, they should choose him. But there was no weirdness, just beer and hilarity. Mike made another comment about me being SOOO AMAZINGLY SMART and it felt awesome. I flirt with EVERYONE now that I'm single and that adds this extra element of life being crazy and fun. I think I'm a lot less self-conscious when I'm single because I don't feel like a "representative" of boyfriend or relationship. I can just be ridiculous.

I have sort of a reputation for leaving suddenly after 1 drink but last night I made it through 3 before calling it quits. Started texting eb2 furiously and thought I was no longer being subtle after the 10th or whatever message, so I calmly announced that I was going to leave suddenly after my next Stella, and then I did. Called eb2 while I was walking home and he was sooooooooo dreeeeeeammmmmyyyyyyy again ALL NIGHT. Um, PS, if the conversation from the night before did not border on phonesex, that situation has since been remedied. Ooooooooooops! It's interesting to me that we both seem to have completely abandoned any mental/emotional barriers between us--seems sort of dangerous and stupid, but also completely romantic and passionate and fun. There's a high probability I will eat my words and feel really dumb for this later, but at this point, having shared all that we have with each other and spent so much time talking to each other, I just can't see any way we could fail to get along.

Also have lost a full 10 pounds and see no hint of my appetite recovering. Last night I tried really hard to have some flax chips and hummus before going out but only made it through a couple chips and gave up quickly on the hummus. I literally had to force myself to eat some more chips so I wouldn't be drinking on an empty stomach. This is really bizarre but whatever, I'll take it. My clothes from when I was skinny are starting to fit again and I look so hot. I think. For today's narcissism, see the new dress I bought yesterday!Collapse )
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(no subject) [Jun. 14th, 2008|06:36 pm]
elution
Somehow I managed to swing a free apartment from 6 July to 8 August in exchange for catsitting a very nice cat. The girl I'm sitting for seems really cool and I hope we hang out and are friends.

After visiting the apartment, Pen and I had lunch at Cafe Gratitude, a vegan "live food" restaurant. The name of every dish is a self-affirming statement. I had "I'm Terrific". Pen had "I'm Generous" and "I'm Red Hot".

...seriously.

Also bought a cute, overpriced top and two overpriced lattes.

Jon et al. are going out for falafel and drinks at El Rio after; I promised to meet them for drinks but am sooooo sleeeeeeeppppyyyyyyyyy.


Oh, and update from this morning: against Pen's advising, I called eb2 to find out what horrible things I said. Apparently....nothing. I think I was a little annoying and think our conversation may have bordered on phone sex, but overall, I would say crisis was averted.

After we got off the phone I honestly could not stop smiling for at least 10 minutes. I drove past his hotel and it is SWANKY. This better not suck.
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